Well-wishes – Indepentional

“Hey Benny, can you do me a favor?”

“Depends.”

“Go buy some more garbage bags, I’ll give you the cash for it.”

“Uhm, why can’t you do it?”

“Because of this.”

“HELLO THERE GRANDSON, I HOPE YOU ARE-”

“Fucking hell that’s loud. What is it?”

“One of those electronic well-wishes cards. Has my grandmother’s address as the return.”

“Electronic? Then it’s got a battery. Keep it shut, I’ll find it.”

“How the shit do you know about electronic cards?”

“Granddad makes them as a hobby. I’ve heard he’s even sold a few.”

“Huh. What’s their brand?”

“It’s a weird snake that bites itself in the ass. Don’t ask me why.”

“HELLO THERE GRAN-”

“Ow, fuck. I told you to keep it shut.”

“Yeah sorry, finger slipped.”

“Yeah, there it is. Oros Boros or whatever Granddad called it.”

“Huh.”

“Why huh?”

“There’s no battery.”

“Ha ha, very funny.”

“Not joking.”

“What do you mean there’s no battery?”
“HELLO THERE GRANDSO-”

“Goddamn it. Get me a paperclip, I know we have some.”

“Sorry, couldn’t hear what you said over my damaged hearing. Here’s one.”

“There, it’s closed. What do you mean there’s no battery?”

“That it’s just a piece of card that plays a message that it shouldn’t. See, the batteries aren’t there.”

“Could it be solar-cell or some shit?”

“Listen to yourself. Solar-cell cardboard. Plus we’re inside with the windows closed in early March.”

“Then how do we get it to stop?”

“Rip it apart?”

“If we could do that without it playing the message.”

“Maybe if we let the message play out?”

“Maybe, but I’d prefer any alternative.”

“Stick it underneath a pillow, that’ll muffle it.”

“Hmm, that sounds like a decent idea.”

hello there grandson, i hope you are well.-“

“Good call Benny, that’s not too bad.”

-me and granddad are also doing well. how are you doing with school? we sent a letter to that soccer player your mother named you after. we have not heard back yet but we are very excited. granddad also sends his well-wishes. call us. love grandma.”

“Has it stopped?”

“Let me try and open it again. Nope, nothing. Looks like that’s it. Looks like I gotta call my grandparents. I might ask them why the card was lacking a battery.”

“Might.”

“Yeah. Would’ve been easier if the card HAD been from the closet.”

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